Super Human Moments: Learning My Limits

Thu, 07 Apr 2011 09:29:00 -0400
super-human-moments

Everyone has had them: moments when things have gone wrong partly because of our own lack of experience or perspective. In this new series of posts, I'm asking members of the UMBC community to reflect on their own 'super human moments.'

Name: Haley Martin

Q: What is your current title (job or student organization position)?

A: Conduct Officer, Student Judicial Programs

Q: In 12 words or less, what role(s) do you play on campus?

A: Grad Student, Mentor, Enforcer.

Q: What title would you give your Super Human Moment?

A: Learning my Limits

Q: What happened?

A: Most of the Super Human moments have been about reaching and exceeding limits that we put on ourselves. Mine happens to be about finding my limit.

Last spring, after a disappointing round of grad school applications, I decided to stay at UMBC to earn my Master’s Degree. I was feeling just a bit like I had settled but I figured that I’d find a way to make the best of it. Life has a funny way of knocking us on our butts when we think that’s where we already were. Instead of celebrating my graduation despite my dim perspective on what my years of grad school would be like, I was thrown into chaos when my father was killed in a car accident the day after graduation.

Needless to say, the first semester of grad school was rough. I went from being a super involved undergrad to a grad student who could barely muster the physical and mental energy required to pay attention in class, be productive at work or complete my homework. I spent most of the semester locked in my room, ignoring roommates, friends and work just trying to figure out how to get out of bed the next day.

I struggled through the first half of the semester trying to balance a job, classes, homework and grieving before I realized that this was clearly not working. I don’t know quite what snapped, but I came to the realization that I couldn’t do it all, nor could I do it alone. At this point, I made a choice to cut some things out of my schedule (or at least choosing to be ok with other people cutting me out of those things). It was far too late to drop classes, so I struggled through them, trying to balance the over-achiever in me with the need for some quiet time to process things. I started sharing some of my emotional burdens with others and tried to reconnect with the people I had been avoiding throughout the semester.

I managed to survive the first semester, somehow, and I’ve never been happier about my decision to stay at UMBC. If it hadn’t been for the connections I established as an undergrad and rebuilt as a grad student, I doubt that I would have made it through some of the toughest months of my life.

Q: How have you applied what you learned?

A: I’m happy to say that this semester is going much better than last. I’ve definitely accepted what I can and cannot handle at this point in my life. I’ve taken on fewer credits, fewer projects and fewer hours at work. One of my New Year’s resolutions is to overcome the anxiety I felt last semester and force myself to hang out with a friend at least once a week. No homework, no studying, just hanging out, rebuilding a friendship that I had neglected. I still struggle with being vulnerable around them, but I’m challenging myself to talk about my experiences both for my sake and potentially for others.

Q: Do you have any advice you can pass along to others?

A: Don’t be afraid to say no and spend some time taking care of yourself (say no, relax over a cup of tea, run a billion miles, whatever it takes). Your health, both mental and physical, is more important than doing it all.

Lean on those who love you. Your friends and family care about you and hate seeing you suffer alone. They are willing to give you their support, so take it. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Accept your limits, but don’t become complacent with them. Just because I had to turn down some opportunities over the last few months in order to preserve my well-being, that doesn’t mean that there is never going to be a time challenging myself and pushing my limits won’t yield wonderful things.