Construction of Library Pool Began Sunday Afternoon

Tue, 04 Oct 2016 13:48:28 -0400

Talk of construction has tickled the thoughts of UMBC students. The library pond is finally finished. The Commons rooftop eventually patched down. The new Event Center is well underway and the Old Theatre is scheduled to be demolished next mid-semester. But what you probably didn’t hear about was the new pool at the library. Now you don’t have to go to the gym and spend $5 for a membership (or free with your red card) to slam dunk your own body into a huge vat of chlorine and children’s piss. The new library pool is so new that Hrabowski himself wasn’t even aware that construction had even started.

The pool is supposed to replace the Retriever Learning Center (or the RLC) where students make themselves at home and find a comfy corner to take a 5-day nap. Heading this construction is HraBROski, the president’s slightly cooler and totally brosome bro. Found chillin’ by the tunnels at the library pond, he comments: “Ya, I totally thought of this idea when the cops kept tellin’ me that I can’t actually swim in the pond and I got kicked out of the RAC like a bunch of times for stealing the shower water to make Erickson Field a pool.”

This isn’t just any ordinary pool that’s being built. It is going to have a built-in laptop bar with working outlets and high tables for your homework. This design was made with the students in mind. Geography major and IS and graphic design minors, Greg Sweis, is unapologetically happy: “I can’t believe this is happening! I’ve always wanted to be able to swim some laps and then do my WebAssign. This. Is. Innovation”.
The RLC has remained closed for quite some time and the students who were displaced have become antsy. They’re not sure what to do with their lives now that an awesome pool is being built. Take some advice from HraBROski and “don’t try to steal shower water from the RAC.”

- Your Aunt