Ephesians 5:1-2 - “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved childrenand walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”

Greg was walking to his car after a golf tournament when he realized the remote trunk opener wasn’t working. Neither were the automatic door locks. When he finally got inside the car, he saw the fuel gauge reading empty, even though he had filled up on gas less than twenty-four hours before. More frustrating yet, the car would turn over but then immediately die.

After a tow truck delivered the disabled vehicle to the dealership, a mechanic came out to Greg and told him the problem: a bad BCM. ”What’s a BCM?”

“The basic control module. It’s essentially the car’s brain, and once it goes bad, everything starts malfunctioning.” Greg could have insisted on “fixing” the trunk, the door locks, the gas gauge, and any number of problems - but those were merely the symptoms of an overall malfunction.

How often do we do the same thing in our relationships with others. “We need to improve our communication.” “We need to show more appreciation for each other.” For those who are married  - “We need to have a more unified plan with the children.” “We need to work harder at keeping the romance alive in our relationship.”

We can spend a lifetime focusing on the symptoms, or we can replace the BCM - the basic control module. I believe the BCM for our relationships is our spiritual motivation.

It all comes down to this: In your relationships, are you God-centered or person-centered? If you are married, are you a God-centered spouse or a spouse-centered spouse? For example in marriage, a spouse-centered wife acts nicely toward her husband when he acts nicely toward her. She is accommodating, as long as her husband pays her attention. A spouse-centered husband will go out of his way for his wife, as long as she remains agreeable and affectionate. He’ll romance her, as long as he feels rewarded for doing so.

But Paul tells us we are to walk in the way of Jesus’ love. Let us worship Jesus Christ as you have a real relationship with him. Let how you relate to others flow out of  your relationship with God instead of how that person has treated you or responds to you. Let’s not make excuses to stop loving the other person because of their wrongs or their responses. How did God love us/keep loving us despite our hostile attitudes/responses to him?

So here’s a question - more of a prayer, actually. Instead of focusing on the other person’s wrongs or faults, pray “Lord you loved me first and gave yourself up for me…How can I love ___  today like he or she has never been loved by another person before?” Ask God to help you. When we focus on what how we can love, it’s amazing how little time we have left to become consumed by the wrong things.
(Adapted from Devotions for a Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.)

-AP